A little explanation

Some of you may have seen the horror that is my new set of pictures on the tracker. Well, yeah its about as bad as it can possibly look. I'm pretty horrified. Lighting is bad, angle is bad, body is really bad. Everyone listen up now, this is important. This is what happens when you work out like a nut and eat really crappy. DO NOT try it. You don't have to, I have already shown you firsthand what will happen. It is not a place you want to visit. I should be looking ripped like Lori, but instead I'm.......not. Don't get me wrong, I have been working hard, but not being smart. I've given myself every excuse in the book. PMS, tiredness, reward, no $$ for "good" food, blah blah blah its so stupid. I have been reading Sqwigg regularly and she is really getting a grip on her eating, I think I can turn this around. She's eating a TON of veggies. I must do this. I keep telling myself I need to get the program she has, but ya know, really I don't. I'm gonna do BFL straight up and get my "baseline" eating back on track. 6 solid weeks. I already have the tools. BFL works. But I have to put into it to get some results out of it. I can't get this close and then fizzle. Yes, I'm frustrated, I'm angry at myself. Why can other people seem to get it together and lose that last bit and I can't seem to make it click? What is holding my back?? THis is important, I need to find this answer. It just may take me the full 12 weeks to figure out, but I'll be damned if I wont work every single day to find out. My trainer keeps telling me I have the magic "thing" to go all the way with fitness. I have work ethic, I have potential, I'm missing the REASON for wanting this. It is so mentally difficult to keep going with this. I will add though, that the whole fitness part of what I do every day really has started to ingrain itself into my everyday life. I was thinking today that I used to have a much different morning routine before BFL. I am really addicted to the working out part. That has changed for me big time. It is a huge part of my life, I go to the gym. I get there every day. OK, so thats half the battle. If I can make that a habit, I can make eating clean a habit too, right?? As of now, I do feel a little "off" if I don't have some form of protein for a meal. (unless its just a total all-out junk fest) So that is progress. Its taking so looooooooong to re-form these good habits. That is what is discouraging to me. Obviously, I need more soul-searching talks with myself on these topics. Another day we will listen to me contemplate self-promises. Yikes I don't wanna go there, but I feel something brewing there that needs to be adressed.