Wyatt Marshall

We call him the "Jolly Little Fellow". He'll be 4 in March. You can get super mad at him for not listening or not obeying or not going to bed and he is happy anyway. When he does get mad he will go into a pout like nothing else. But he gets over it and is back to his puppy-like ways. He's DYING to go to school! His new favorite thing is for mommy to give him a piggy back ride anywhere. If he can't be spiderman(wearing the costume) we can compromise and he wears the costume under his clothes and goes as Peter Parker. A lot of hanging upside down anywhere he can goes well with this. He has declared himself too much of a big boy to ride in shopping carts and has earned the privelege of walking around the store by being VERY good. He has no fear, if there was food in the house that was accessible he could probably survive more than a week taking care of himself. Independent, yet very cuddly. He's a little bit squishy like a teddy bear, but he recently floored me with his soccer-ball dribbling skills. Another major jock-walker. Wyatt tells silly knock-knock jokes and really cracks himself up. He loves to sing and can sing songs IN TUNE, and has since he was a baby. He used to sing the main theme to the Lord of the Rings. It was a hoot. Now he's doing Gorillas-Clint Eastwood and I want a hippopotamus for Christmas. I am totally in love with this furry little monster.

Dayton Thor

This is my baby. He'll be 3 in March. He can crack us up like nobody else. He loves to make faces and has such a little jock-walk. I hear him playing Star Wars and he's yelling "I love you! I love you!" He's the youngest but he hardly ever gets picked on because the other kids think he's so adorable. (I'm sure that could change). He loves to help me clean up and his artwork is amazing(except when its on the walls or himself) He has the best small motor skills I've ever seen in a little kid. He can actually draw recognizable figures, and he'll sit at the table for half and hour and do "art" I'm pushing for him to be a surgeon. Ooh, ooh, a PLASTIC surgeon. YES! I think he has the hands. When I say "Come here and give mommy a kiss he usually comes over to me and offers me the top of his head. LOL I LOVE this kid!!

Booo

Things are not good. Very bad. Very very bad. Very bad. I'm just going to post some stuff about my kids because thats about all I have going positive right now.

Heres the pictures

Ohhhhh Boy Thanksgiving

After reading up on everybody's good eating reports I am a little sheepish about my own actions this weekend. OK lets get real, the last few months have been more than a little shaky but I really let the food fly this weekend. I've eaten myself sick already a couple times in the last couple days. And I have slept a lot. I know it was coming but I still feel really gross. I have stuffed so much sodium, sugar, fat and carbonation down my pie hole, I feel like the goodyear blimp. I am DYING for about a gallon of water. But now I am too full (again) so I will have to hydrate tomorrow. I think a good LBWO and a 2 mile run is order for tomorrow. And I also will be keeping a record on this blog of my BFL doings, workouts and eating and such. I need you guys to keep me accountable or I will sunk by Christmas.

I absolutely worked myself into the ground this week.(I did get my nails on though :) I forced myself to go to bed at 1am every night but you can only do that so many nights in a row and its bound to catch up. Everything turned out great though. I had a great time with my sisters hanging at my house for a couple days. Mark got home OK and the food was great! I was just a little peeved that after all the food was devoured (ended up with 22 adults and 6 kids) Everyone kind of took off and left me with the dishes. Nobody ever did that to MY mom!!! UGH! My mom took a seat at the table, everyone stood around socializing for an hour or so and then left. That really sucked. I was SO exhausted and then had to do all those dishes and put away the leftovers. Luckily we used big heavy paper plates but still it was like an hour of cleanup all by myself. :( After that I layed down on the couch in my bedroom and crashed for about 3 hours. Slept in till 9:30 this morning and then took another nap this afternoon. Again, I think a run will help with the energy. And of course to stop stuffing my face. But heres a pic of the tables I did I think they turned out really good. Just like I wanted it to. My family didn't seem to notice it but I had to share with someone anyway. Now I found out that I am hosting Christmas day for Marks family including his sisters husbands family form California. I always make chicken curry and I know my brother in law won't miss that. Great, now I can go psycho for people I barely know too besides family. Wa hoo. I'm not going to think about it for a couple weeks.

Well happy holidays to everyone, lets all try ot lose 5 pounds of fat before Christmas, whatd'ya say???


Edit: I can't get these pics to upload :(

realization and a change in plans...

I went online to register for the Turkey Trot last night and found out that the 10K part dosn't start till 9am! WHAT???? That is NOT gong to work as we are eating at 1. I just can't pull that off. SO I'm sitting there totally crushed, seriously I felt like Santa forgot me or something! Seriously, I've been trying to run theis for 2 years now and havn't made it! I feel like an idiot because I keep talking about it but I never get to do it! BUT.... as I was surfing around I found something else to run in instead! Its the Irongirl in Tempe and theres like a 5K, and 5 mile and a 10 mile. Its on Dec 3, so only have ot wait a week and a half. It looks like a lot of fun. So I feel better. Anyone want to do the 5 miler with me?? 5k is no big thing, and the 10 mile may be a little out of my league. SO I AM still gonna do it, just not on Thanksgiving. I am still a little disapointed because I probably know 20 people who are running and I won't be able to be there but its OK. The Irongirl goes around Tempe Town Lake and it should be gorgeous. Plus I love the name!! It sounds so much cooler! HAHAHA

Update on the TV apearance:
It was on, but I didn't see it since I don't have Fox sports either! LOL But my friend recorded it for me so hopefully I will see it soon. I wish there was a way to link the video here! OH well I'm sure there is I am just too computer-stupid! LOL She said I'm on for about 4 minutes. AHH!

Now that I am not running thursday, I have gained about half a day as far as accomplishing what I wanted to do which is nice. (I am trying hard not to add to the list) but yesterday I ripped out a bunch of big nasty bushes in my front yard and replaced them with red hibiscus bushes. It looks SO GOOD! Mark won't even believe it. Oh my gosh it looks so much better!!! And my grass is looking sa-weet! My new planted seed is all up and nice and thick. Rock and Roll!! Then last night I cleaned out all the kitchen cupboards and vacuumed out the crumbs and made everything all clean and pretty. Today is laundry room, front room and back porch. Wooo hooo I am on track to finish and be able to relax on Thursday. I was actually able to get the oil changed WHILE I was at the gym yesterday! LOL There is an Econo-lube in the same parking lot. Tomorrow I am having the boys go play at friend house and I'm getting my nails done. I am so excited. I deserve it after ripping out all those fricken bushes yesterday! well I better get down to busy-ness here. Have a great day!! :)

I'l be coming to your living room tonight!!

Tonight on Fox Sports I will be on at 7pm. I don't know what the title of the show is but its about AZ motor park and its a 15 minute show. The word on the street is that almost my whole interview is on there so Now I am SCARED!! Holy Crapola!!I am so busy today I can't even believe it. The crunch is ON people. I am going to get my milage in today though to get myself ready for my run on Thursday. wooo hooo gettting excited! I need a water belt, where could I find one?? Walmart?? Hopefully! I'm gonna have to eat tip-top to fuel the WEEK! I will be crashing on friday, no doubt!

I'm going out...Don't wait up!! :)

YAY I am geting out of the house!! We're going to Devils Martini and we are gonna dance our asses off!! Woo hooo! These are my new jeans. LOVE them. Nice dirty wash, but no shdaing to "spotlight " my problem areas. Nice and long, too. Oprah would be so proud! *sniff*

Rant

Warning: the following is being posted just to get it off my chest so I won't have to lay awake all night stewing and steaming......

We just got back from Cade's last baseball game of the season, and can I just say how glad I am we are not staying with this team??? AAAAAAHHHHHHHRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!!!!! I just feel like we wasted a lot of time and money on this team. I don't know what it is we just did not click. I don't think they liked us, and they definetly did Cade a big injustice. Oh, he improved skill-wise a lot, yes, but his confidence did NOT blossom. How would you feel as a kid if every other week you had to trade off being the sub with the only GIRL on the team. I am really fuming tonight because they didn't even let him hit ONCE! What coach does that to a kid?? It was the LAST GAME!! you couldn't let him up to the plate????PUH-LEEEZE! OK< I am a realist, if he was the worst one on the team, or something I could understand, but he swings great, he;d be a great hitter if he'd get up there more than once a game. Even when he's in the lineup, he's dead last hitter every time. So he usually dosn't even make it up. If he's not the sub, they put the sub in as his replacement. And its more of a vibe. He just dosn't count with them. It sucks. There are at least 3 kids (the girl, her tiny little brother and one other kid) and they get up to the plate and stand there. They won't even hardly swing. So I drag all the kids out to the field, get him there and hour early like he's supposed to be, sit there and freeze my ass off for 2 hours and watch the other kids on the team play. It sucks so bad. I really have to hide all these feelings from Cade, he is oblivious to most of it. He was pretty disapointed that he didn't even get to bat tonight. There was another game that because of some subbing rule and the fact that the game went like 6 innings, he sat the bench the whole time except for one time he was out in the field. That was awful too. He was mad that night. So we go into the whole sportsmanship lecture and we really do try to be team players and not get all furious in front of the kids and all. Supposedly if we were to stay with this team another couple seasons he would get moved up and get to play infield and all that, but I just don't believe them. Plus, I can't do baseball 2-4 times a week year round, and thats what this team wants. That is not an exaggeration. Thats the thing about AZ is there is no off season here. There is fall and spring seasons with tournaments in between. Its too much.

Heres the bottom line, and Mark and I have discussed this at length. If the parents are nobodies, the kid will get shoved aside. Unless they are a superstar, like pro good, and the coaches can't look away. This is true for sports across the board here. Mark went through it in jr. high and HS, and I Did too with cheer and pom. I went to one of the biggest most affluent schools in the state. Unless your parents were on the booster club or were a prominent figure in the community, you were out. There were a couple years my friend Marcie and I got ROBBED from the dance team. Here we were, trained dancers, really good performers, we went in and nailed our auditions, and didn't get picked over some other couple girls who had been dancing like A YEAR! We just didn't have the pedigree.What we finally decided to do(no joke) was try out for EVERYTHING there was, pom cheer, EVERYTHING until they noticed us. Everyone knew it too and it just sucked. We finally made it our senior year. When Mark played baseball, the coach at the high school knew of his dad and uncles (VERY talented players) from back in the day, and didn't like "those Lamb boys" so guess where Mark sat?? Yeah, benchwarmer.

Our only solution here is: We gotta "move up" and step up, to give our kids a chance to do what they want to do. Mark is going to have to put together his own team in the fall and then WE can be in charge and get our boys some field time. I already put in the word with the elementary school spirit line coach that I want to assist next year (luckily her son is a friend of Cade's) so that Sadie can do spirit line next year. I'm gonna have to start volunteering as room mom, pto helper, blah blah blah in order to get a fighting chance for my kids, so that if they have a talent and and interest in something they have a chance to do whatever it is. I'm just glad we figured it out early enough to mabye make a difference. Don't get me wrong, if my kid is not able to make the team because of skill or attitude or grades, they don't deserve the privelege of being on the team. BUT if they DO have the talent and skill and work ethic, they should be able to "play" too. Mark and I are just going to have to put ourselves out there and start campaining NOW and getting to know a LOT of people in our community. Bottom line. Reality BITES.


EDIT: I am in tears now. I am SO upset. I just looked over the litle team finance schedule they handed to us as we left tonight. Every kid on the team was supposed to pay 50 dollars team fee to cover lights for late practices and an extra team t-shirt. Well, we paid it but next to my name on the printout is $0.00. NICE. The the coaches wife adds her little note at the end of it

"Special thanks to those coaches they know who they are who have given extra monies to help cover the expenses such as wiffle balls and sponsorship for our children that may not have been able to participate in our program. At this time as you know we are $71.53 in the negative"

This is beyond upseting to me right now. I KNOW I paid that and now it looks like we are the charity case of the team on top of it. Well, let me tell ya something, I went thru all my statements and I think I found the record of the check( I don't have copies dang it) but that account is closed now. So I can't get it online.I can only hope that since I still have a savings account there they will find me a copy of that check (there are actually 2 50 dollar checks in that time period I could check). Cade has a b-day party for one of the team boys at this cool jumping place tomorrow and you can bet if I find a copy of that check I'll be trotting it down to the team mom. I am PISSED!!!!!!! Crap! How embarrasing. OK say, I really couldn't pay it,(even though I DID) what would posess her to put my name up there with a big ZERO next to it???!!! What an ASS!! Holy cow if Mark weren't out of town right now the shit would be hitting the FAN!!!!!

Boo hooo I'm a single mommy

Mark is getting on a plane to Panama as we speak. Lets just say I'm a little bit jealous. Usually when he goes its for work and he has meetings and all. This time a buddy is moving down there and wanted Mark to come and help him settle in and show him around so he bought Mark and his cousin Tom tickets. So its gonna be nothing but hanging out, reading, spending time with his family (his dad, brother, sil and 4 kids live there)eating at great resaurants, blah blah blah. Here I am doing baseball, scouts an Cades book report till 10:30 tonight. NOT FAIR! But to be fair, he left me with some extra cash and I am planning to get a sitter and go get my nails done and mabye get some jeans (hopefully I'll pick the right ones...do ya think Target might have some?? I hope) And I have TON to do before next week. And I mean a TON to do. I get these crazy plans that are way overboard before an event. I have to have EVERYTHING done. I mean, seriously, why do the sheets need to be freshly washed in order to have Thanksgiving dinner??? Why do I feel compelled to rip out the ugly bushes in front of my house and replant hibiscus?? My showers and tub MUST be scrubbed just in case someone wants an impromptu shower. The baseboards and corners have to be scrubbed especially behind all doors, because if someone uses the bathroom they will close the door and see behind it. Monday night is spot-painting night. Hair must be highlighted, eyebrows waxed, and nails done before this event can happen. WHY WHY WHY???!!! I have to do every bit of this myself, since I am broke. If had the cash, you can bet I'd be having housecleaners, going to a salon appointment, and having a landscaper come in and do the planting. Well, I may get a quote on the carpet cleaning, at least for the couches. AHHHH I only have a week. Why do I torture myself? I need opinions, does everyone do this???

Here is my theory or reasoning, I don't know if I have it right or not. I was the oldest of 7, and my step-mom just always seemed to get it all done. People were always ohhing and ahhhing over our house, and it always seemed cleaned, laundry was done EVERY day, She always pressurewashed the entire house before a get together. My aunt was the same way. I mean, the woman was so organized she had the breakfast cereal and bowls and spoons set out on the table the night before. I actually lived with these people and saw this daily firsthand. She had 6 kids and a spotless house. I think I am chasing that. I could say I am chasing the "illusion" but thats the problem, it wasn't an illusion it was real. I've said that jokingly to them both before "Thanks a lot, ladies, you've created a monster" but was I joking??? Now, I don't even come close to their standards. I try not to have guilt over that. But i still feel like I am not doing it right.

Heres where I can cut myself some slack.

My mom could affored to pay to have all the stuff done. She had housecleaners most of the years I can remember. She had Sears come every year and maintain the appliances. She also had me to do a lot of the stuff and other kids to do chores(chores that actually helped, unlike my kids chores lol)She had yard guys and window cleaners come periodically. I don't have that.I have to break out the squeegee and the weedwhacker.

My aunt had my uncle. She worked him like a dog. He washed the cars in the driveway once a week. He cleaned the carpets once a month. He did yardwork once a week. He did all that stuff. She totally screamed and wailed and demanded what she needed, and she got it. The Christmas lights were ALWAYS up on Thanksgiving day, because thats the way it was. Don't get me wrong, she worked herself like a dog as well. Imagine a homemker on speed with add, thats her.

I have no money to hire things done, and a husband who will do things on his schedule, if he gets to it. He likes things to look nice, but he's not going to kill himself to get it done. SIGH so what is my choice?? I have to do it myself. What am I trying to prove?? Hell if I know.

My life flashed before my eyes!

Last night Martha possesed me and I ended up cleaning till midnight. Then Wyatt got in bed with me at about 2 and got all warm and cozy and peed all over me and my side of the bed. Gotta love that. SO I stumbled around for 15 minutes and tried to get that all cleaned up. SO this morning I wasn't tip top as far as being observant. I'm still all on the cleaning thing so I decided to clean the ceiling fans (20 ft high...ugg) I get the ladder, la dee da this and that and I see this wierd dirty spot up on the high part of the wall so I move the ladder over and proceed to climb but the damn thing unhinges in the middle (its one of those that makes like 30 positions) and the side I was standing on collapsed in the middle. So the top part is heading straight for my face and I just CRASH right down on the tile. It jarred my back a little and I jammed my finger pretty good but other than that I survived. I was just glad the tile didn't get any cracks. Stupid stupid. I should have double checked the locks. I guess I will be going to the chiropractor today after all.

My eating is mediocre, I got my run yesterday but I'm lacking motivation today. Cooper goes to school early today so I am all excited to have extra time with less kids today. I may just clean out the car and the garage and back patio and call it my UBWO. I'm not sick or PMSing so I have no excuse to be lazy today.

Have I mentioned that Shark boy and Lava girl is about the lamest movie of all time? I mean, its lame even by kid show standards.

I watched the Oprah about the bras and the jeans. I really liked it. Lots of good info. I also was able to pick up a cute new description for too-tight jeans. The "muffin-top" LOL Like when your waist fat is blobbing over your waistband like the top of a muffin. LOL So I told Mark that I was muffin-toppin it in my skinny jeans yesterday. This definetly ranks up there witht he other descriptions we use like "cankles", "tree trunks"(big straight legs) and "butterface"(her body is awesome butterface is ugly). I have classified myself as more of a "butterbody"(as in she has a nice face butterbody is unattractive). I have to pull myself together. I was supposed to be able to go by a cute new pair of hot jeans in a smaller size this week (for da club) but looks like it ain't happening. At least not the smaller part. Now I guess I will have to go find a bra that gives me cleavage to distract from my muffin-top. Dang!!!


EDIT: Mark would like me to correct my description of a "butterface" He has informed me that I have it all wrong. He says the right way to say it is: "Everythings hot butterface" I needed to add this to bring peace to his soul. :)

,

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

The "R" word

Yes folks, the R word. I hate it, but I must have it. I despise it, but I am happy I have it. It is the dreaded "Restart". I am doing this about every 3 days, and I get mad at myeslf, but then I think, hey, look, at least I am restarting, and not giving up. I missed my long run on saturday, I need to try to get it done today. Which means 4 miles on the treadmill which SUCKS. I may see if my neighbor will watch the little boys while I go run outside. Its 65 beautiful degrees, for crying out loud! I would be a crime to run indoors.

Mark leaves for Panama in 4 days. He'll be gone till Thanksgiving. He's gonna roll in thursday morning. Yeah, I'm just a LITTLE jealous. Its like the worst possible time for him to leave (it always is), his pigeon control business is really starting to roll so I hate to see him take a week off right now. But, his ticket is bought and paid for and this guy that is sending him down is counting on him to be there, so he can't really not go. Plus, His dad and Brother live there and he wants to see him and the nieces and nephews, since its been about 2 years. As long as he leaves me in good shape money-wise, I will be fine. I'll be singe-momin' it for a week, but its a little fun. I can fix what I want for dinner, get some reading done that I REALLLY need to get going on, The house is so much cleaner when he's gone cuz he's not here distracting me and wanting me to sit and watch TV every night. Plus, less laundry. Hahaha well, I'm gonna miss him.

I offered to teach a class at church about nutrition and fitness. Not because I am so good at nutrition and fitness, oh, no but I noticed that out of about 150 ladies I go to church with, there are about 5 (mabye) who are not 30+ pounds overweight the majority are 50+ over. I didn't say that was WHY I volunteered, and I suggested it to one of the thinner ladies whos in charge of setting that stuff up. I think I can put a pretty good church-spin on it. Anyway, mabye it seems rude of me but really, its a problem. Its not healthy. All of us don't drink or party so we have to stuff our problems down wiht big macs and chocolate. Yikes. Anyway, I am going to use the posibility of teaching that class as motivation, I need to practice what I preach, right? I don't want to be a hypocrite.

Projects completed this weekend:

Sanded picnic table/benches
Sanded and refinished kitchen table
Cleaned entire house
Had friends over for dinner
Planned budget

Fun Times!

Dana Called yesterday and we went out to dinner with a fellow tracker!!!Dee-dee (aka Kana)was in town with her fiance for the big NASCAR weekend. We had a great time (and we ate clean,too! tilapia w/mango salsa and grilled veggies-YUM)Dana didn't tell her I was coming-I surprised her, that was was fun. We talked for a couple hours and dished on the tracker and BFL in general. I'm so so glad I got to meet Dee dee and her fiance. Dana talked about Tennesee and some of the cool stuff that went there, lets just say I really want to go next time!!Sounds like a REAL eye opener to the REAL BFL. And a lot of motivating people. And can I just say, I had to about pick my jaw off the FLOOR whan I saw Dana at my door. (sorry girl, I have to tell) HOLY FREAKING COW the girl has SHRUNK!!!! I'm not talking, yeah, she looks like she lost weight, I mean like she's seriously HALF the size from when I first met her back in august!! UNBELIEVABLE!!!! I am so proud of Dana!!! She looks great!

Anyway I wish I had pictures but I'm such a chucklehead I forgot my camera. DOH! But Dee dee took some with hers so she'll post them when she gets back home from the trip.

So anyway, today I am totally ispired, I can't wait to hit the gym and get a kickin UBWO and eat some chicken!! So this is what I will need from you blends. I need someone to come and visit me every like 2 weeks to keep me inpired, and I can use Maricar and Dana to fill in when someone can't make it. OK? LOL Yes, I will send out your travel schedule, bring your families I'd like to meet them too. Its nice here in PHX the weather is perfect. You won't mind!! LOL Don't I wish!!! I'm so lucky to have met the great people that I have. It helps me feel like can still try to reach my goals.

Tender Mercies

We had a lesson in church a couple weeks ago about this subject. This could probably go on my church blog, but today I was given one concerning BFL so I will post it here, because it is so important to me. Here is what I am talking about as an example. A tender mercy is a little pat on the back from God telling us we are on the right track, a tiny little blessing that you'd really have to be looking for to see it, but it can impact you in such a profound way. Some would just call it a coinicidence. Well, people, ther is NO SUCH THING!! For instance, I had been working at my brothers house getting it cleaned up and ready to sell. As you all know I m pretty much broke and I am forced to cut out the buying of all the little extras, and there was some little stuff I needed, one of them being hot pads, big cooking utensils, another garbacge can, stupid little stuff. So what do I find in his cupboards?? Yup, I bunch of the stuff I had been needing, all brand new (nobody over there ever cooked) and I felt so blessed. AND it all matched my kitchen. My brother was just going to throw it all away. OK so here is my BFL tender mercy today:



I have not been doing well on the BFL for a little while. I've been working, and feeling more like flabby and crabby instead of lean and mean. But I finished at my brothers yesterday and today I had back to my normal life, so I had no excuse NOT to go workout. Well, no good ones anyway. I ate soup and homemade rolls for breakfast...Grrrrr, no, its not too late. I really did not want to go. I got the boys all ready, As I pulled out of the garage I realized this was one of the first times EVER that I was going to the gym and having NO IDEA what kind of exercise I was going to do. It felt wierd. On my way there I got a call from Dana my tracker buddy. I started to feel just a tiny bit of motivation coming on. By the time I got thru the doors, I thought, well, mabye I'll just tan, but then I didn't feel like totally untying my shoes and getting undressed (can we all say L A Z Y). Sooooooo, I decided, well mabye I'll just get on the ellptical and watch Regis. So I do and then while I was doing that I just started feeling it. I was like, OK I'm here, lets try a nice little HIIT. I got off and went to the treadmill and started. By the end I had run farther in the 20 minute HIIT than I ever had. 2.10 miles. I realized I hadn't done a HIIT in almost a month. My endurance training had really helped my distance and speed. It felt so good. Now for the tender mercy......I got in the car to get Cooper to school and what comes on the radio? Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson, which was my theme song for C1, back when I had IT. When I was Ms. consistency. Back when I was BUTTER. (I was ON a roll, instead of making rolls!) I thought about my tracker buddies, my hubby, my kids, and I HAVE to find a way to get this done. The song, the call from Dana, reaching a goal unexpectedly, these are all God telling me that I can do it!! I just have to keep trying. My kids are worth it. My husband deserves a hot wife. I DESERVE IT! I had one more I almost forgot....Chicken breast on sale at Albertsons 1.88 a pound.

Help help help I can't do it!!!

WHy can't I get my stupid eating under control??? I did so good yesterday, felt great then about 4 (my toughest time!!) My damn neighbor brings over a box of Hawaiian Carmacs and a big plate of coookies. Now, normally, I can resist cookies, but these had to be the double chocolate/choc chip ones from costco. The Carmacs, Fugettaboutit!!! They are chocolate covered caramel and macadamia nuts.

THe only thing that kept me from inhaling the whole box at once was 1: My embarrasment later when the neigbor asks mark "how'd ya like the hawaiian treat I brought ya? " and he says "what?" and 2: The caramel was VERY chewy and it's hard to eat them fast. She showed up at my door and I just go "What are you doing to me, woman???!!!" Shes like "I brought this for the kids" AHHHHHHHHHH! CRAP!!! So not only did I blow it yesterday, now I have had some more for my M2. Its OK, Whew, deep breath. I can't erase what I've done, I still have 4 good meals ahead of me and now all the good stuff is gone and I'm on a sugar sick-thing now, I'm done with them. Man, I used to be a ROCK!! Its not TOM so I have nothing to blame but myself and my laziness. GRRRRRR! Now I can't go running till later becasue I have to get some of this crappy sugar out of my system and get some NUTRITION in me before I go so I don't puke all over the treadmill at the gym. Damn cookies are making me crave Diet Coke, too. I hate this feeling of despair like I will never be able to get back on track for more than a day or 2. I just want to dive headfirst into some Chinese food! Please, somebody help me get back in gear!

This is my motivation!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

anyone with insomnia try reading this-you'll be snoozing in no time!

And so on and so on. Not much going on today. Mark is working so I am pretty much stuck here with the kids. I really want to go for my run (4.5 today...EEK) and the weather is gorgeous so I want to go outside, not in the gym on a tready, that would be such a waste. So I sit here downloading music and making the kids do chores.

We went and saw Jarhead last night. Lets just say it was a little.....rough. I mean, I knew it pretty much would be, those military movies always are but this one was HOOO BOOOOY! I can't say I reccomend it though because the story was pretty anti-climactic. We just kept waiting for something to happen. In fact, I believe that was actually one of the points the movie was trying to get across, is how so much of war/battle/military service is just..waiting for something to happen. And how that does some freaked out stuff to your mind. Anyway, if you go see it don't say I did't warn you. Some scenes even got reaction from the younger crowd(17-18 yr olds) I did download the title track to run to...its good.

Thanksgiving prep continues. I got most of the stuff to do cute litle invitations to send out next week. I also got a couple things to decorate my 2 tables. Heres what I'm doing. White paper table cloths. I got 3 yards of burlap (really cheap!!) which is wide enough to cut in half and make 2 runners(no hemming required) then they had those fake carveable pumpkins for 70% off so I got 2.(4 bucks a piece) My centerpeices will be moss with pumpkins and gourds and twig berry garland all wrapped around and a couple squatty creamy colored candles. A real rustic natural look. I figure since I need to do 2 it will just have to be simple and cheap, so rustic is the way to go. I was up the other morning at 3:30, Wyatt got in bed with us and he's a cuddler, which is nice but I can't sleep with anyone touching me. so after putting him back in his bed and laying there for 10 minutes I get up and got some of the Thanksgiving planning done. I made myslef a deep cleaning schedule, made all the food assignments, put it all on a calendar and made 3 separate to do lists that correspond to the calendar. So I'm a psycho. I've done lots of Thnksgiving dinners, but I've never hosted my own extended family. It will be 20 adults and 7 kids. For most of you that read this the topic is probably the most boring things you've ever heard. But these are the stupid things I obsess over. BO-RING! Do ya think I'm trying to escape from my "real" problems?? Nah!

Tubthumpin'

I get knocked down, but I get up again.....sing with me people


SO I ate lots of candy, cried, ate more candy, cried some more but I feel better today. All of you guys posts just made me feel so much better, LOVE YA!!!! My life is still pretty sucky, but its mine so I guess I better figure it out. Oh yeah...BRING IT, BITCH!!! HAHAHA love that one, Jo. Fricken A. After I drowned my sorrows in candy I went on the chat last night and it was quite a little party. It cheered me up quite a bit. Mark was pissed off because of his day so I managed to cheer him up in a very "special" way (men are soooo easy sometimes :P) and even though I slacked the last 2 days on my training I went this morning and busted 3 miles. Its getting MUCH easier. In fact, I went a little farther than what was on the schedule so I could finish listening to the song that was playing(Kid Rock-cowboy) It has such a great intense finish its just a crime to stop running before it ends. I can't believe I ran and felt as good as I did with my nutrition being down the toilet like it has been, but whatever. I did have some toxic smelling sweat, though!!! LOL sorry, TMI

On the subject of music.........Here are the ones that are getting me off my duff and busting the miles

Eminem-Lose yourself(perfect speed to pace myself with, plus if lines like"tear this mutha fu%#&n roof off like 2 dogs caged" and "feet fail me not this may be the only opportunity that I got" and "sucess is my only mutha fu&%#n option, failures NOT" don't get you going, you really need to check your pulse!!!!!

Christina Aguilara-Fighter(the intensity at the end of this plus all the words I can always turn up the speed during this one!!!!)

Kid Rock-Cowboy-I think the lyrics are funny and it gets soooo intense at the end

SO as you can see intensity + cursing are really my ticket to sucess right now. There are a LOT of other songs that get me going pretty good but these are the top 3 at the moment.

On another music note(no pun intended hehe):Have you heard the Josh Gracin song "stay with me" ? Yeah OK its country but not really. That song is HOT! I thought it was hot but then I saw the video. Someone throw water on that man he is on fire!!!OK its not hot in a Prince sort of way, but hello..."girl your wearin me out" ???? Yowzers. Yummy!

OK last one..new fave I don't have on my player yet, but will soon......Beverly Hills by Weezer. Fave line:"where I come from isn't all that great, my automoblie is a piece of crap, my fashion sense is a little wacked, and my friends are just as screwed up as me" HAHAHA OK I'm really just laughin at myself here.....


On another happy note- My buddy Maricar and hopefully DANA and I are going clubbing on the 19th. Along with a special guest clubber: Marks cousin Curtis who is the nicest guy ever, recently divorced and just wants to get out and check out the scene. So I called and invited him and he's gonna go. We need him as dork repellent. I need a night out pretty bad and this is the time I can shed the momishness and go pretend I'm not me for a while. It will be wierd going out with someone I know from my family, Who knows what he'll think of me after this but I really don't care that much. He's really cool (pretty good looking too!) and its all innocent fun. Mark could care less who I go out with, he thinks it great Curtis is going (hes sending a spy!! No, just kidding)One thing Mark is NOT is insecure.

OK I'll shut up now

Downer post.....Sorry!

What am I doing???? Am I on or am I off?? I have a small confession here, it is embarassing but the reason my eating has been so off is that I literally cannot afford the food right now. What ever grocery budget I have has to be used for the kids because its so small. As it is it really isn't enough. I hate times like this. I went to get chicken the other day and I about had a heat attack when I saw the teeny pack of chicken breast for 9 dollars. Hopefully by the end of the week we'll have some money for groceries but for now its down to whats in the house. Fine for the kids, not so great for my program. I do have some eggs and some brown rice and a few things like that but unfortunatly times like these I'm not in the best place mentally, so pretty much everything goes out the window. I have so much frustration about things right now. It is turning from frustration to anger at this point. I'm not clearing myself from blame, but I'm just feeling worn out from life. The battling day in and out with the kids, the money, thesituations that arise with those 2 things. Add in a little AF with the whole thing and its a recipe for mental disaster. I was working at my brothers till 2 am and i am TIRED. I want to lay in bed and eat cookies all day. I don't want to be me. I want to be Beverly!!!!LOL And I can't even pout because if Mark catches even a whiff that I am not cheerful he gets really pissed. Plus I'm tired of yelling at the kids. I'm just sick of it. Its a lot of pressure to keep on a game face in all this. Blah blah blah I'm a big baby. I wanted to go back to bed but now I can't, I might get caught and that would be counted as not being "happy" and ruin everybodies day.