HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!

I didn't do so well staying away from the candy, but it could have been far worse. Every year I realize that this is one of my favorite holidays because I LOVE dressing up my kids, and I love how excited they are. Its hard to get that kind of excitement as an adult. They had a great time tonight trick-or-treating. It was perfect weather and we went to great haunted house on our friends' porch that scared the crap out of the kids. It even freaked Cade out a little, which is VERY hard to do. We also went and trick or treated at my buddy Maricar's house(Cappie2)as a good end to the night.

Random Thoughts

Ohhhhh where to start. Insane saturday is over YAY. Now I will give myself the present of a cleaned up house to wake up to. I had a bit of a struggle with my eating plan the last couple days, its been pretty bad but I am back on track for tomorrow. AF is on the way so will have to wait to weigh in next week. No sense in depressing myself needlessly. My upper body is a little leaner, its really subtle but I can tell a difference and my skinny jeans were fitting SLIGHTLY looser today. My upper body is really coming along well. If I have progress there, I MUST be having some in my lower body too, right? Even if I can't see it as clearly, right? RIGHT???? I was pretty discouraged, especially after the bad couple days I went through, but this afternoon I really could see the quad definition between my quad and hammy today while standing sideways. When did that get there?? Even though the area under my butt seems a little extra dimply lately. OK TMI I know. Boobs shrunk AGAIN.

My big positive right now is after this crazy day and horrible eating, I somehow found the whatever to do my long outdoor run tonight. I put the kids in bed, strapped the silver bullets to my feet, kissed mark bye, and busted out 4 miles in 42 minues. It was a gorgeous night and I felt really energized. My music really gets me through it. I really needed this tonight.

I had a dream the other night that I put on my skinny jeans and i could pull them out from my body about 3 inches all around. It was very real and VIVID! The skin on my stomach and hips was really tight and I was so happy!! This dream has been really helpful in giving me a glimpse at what I want. Its really helping me and making me feel like I can do it, even after bad days like the last 2 I've had. Right now I am still concentrating on a mini-goal that will take me to thanksgiving. Mark will be gone the whole week before thanksgiving, he'll get home that morning so I really want to wow him, and a lot of my family I haven't seen in a while. I HAVE to keep going!!!

I just wanna watch TV

No new story here, just gearing up for another insane weekend. I managed a somewhat lame UBWO, yesterday and the night before the crap hit the fan so I had a sorta-planned free day. I was depressed and I couldn't even take the time to pout because there was way too much crap going on. I'm just glad I amde it back to the gym today, it would have been sooooo easy to skip it! Too bad I'm putting ME first. My consequence for that will be to take 4 of the 5 kiddos to Walmart to do a grocery shopping extravaganza and get 2 b-day gifts for friends parties tomorrow. I', gonna do everything I can to put it off till later if Mark ever gets home from work tonight. Then I can go alone. Even if I should be out at my brothers working!! I did manage to get the car washed and go get halloween costumes for everyone today. 100 bucks later......Oh well they will all get to be what they wanted and have a great time, thats what its all about, right? Their happy memories will long outlast my financial pain (thats what I tell myself) and my kids are CONSTANTLY being told NO, so let them have something, already!! Well, gotta go get them from school... let the circus begin!!!!!

Blah

Who keeps serving the bitchy pops with my 2 o'clock meal??? I'm friggin' T I R E D!!!I guess it dosn't help that I have been literally running my ASS off!!! And I'm on 5 hours sleep, which is FAR too little for me. I may need a cheat meal tonight. Something reasonable like protein pancakes. Ezcept I really don't feel like making them. I'm not even really hungry but I need to snap out of this mood. At least I don't have to run tomorrow, Even though my runners highs lately have been awesome. Have you ever noticed that after a few hours of constant chatter, kids start to sound like chirping birds and its hard to decipher what they are saying?? Yeah, try a few hours of that and see what kind of mood YOUR'E in!!Chirp chirp, chirp chirp CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP


CHIRPCHIRPCHIRPhalloweenCHIRPCHRIPMOMiwantCHIRPCHIRP
CHIRPIm hungryCHIRPCHIRPMOM!!!CHIRPCHIRPmomlookCHIRP
CHIRPcandyCHIRPCHIRPIwantCHIRP
CHIRPIdon'twanttodomyhomeworkCHIRPCHIRPitsonly14.99CHIRP
CHIRPCHIRPmomlookCHIRPCHIRP
CHIRPihatehomeworkCHIRPCHIRPhalloweenCHIRP
CHIRPhehitmeCHIRPCHIRP
CHIRPCHIRPbookfairCHIRPCHIRPineedlunchmoneyCHIRP
CHIRPschoolcarnivalCHIRPCHIRPCHIRP

oddly this makes me feel better

THE PLAN

Yesterday ended up being good. I can't believe I am halfway thru week2. I almost caved last night- I had to go to my brothers to paint (I know AGAIN with the painting)I'm getting his house ready to sell since his loser x-wife bailed on the job. So about 11:30 pm I took a break and while driving down the street lo and behold SONIC!! BUt I just got a lo-cal diet cherry limeade. I truly didn't see anything worth killing my diet over. That felt GREAT!! My cravings are definetly at a minimum right now. So heres todays plan of attack:

Training schedule:3 mile run (owie)

Meal 1: eggs and oats(done)
2:Protein shake and apple
3:Chicken and broccoli
4: Well, you can pretty much fill in the rest!! LOL

I may get crazy and have some tuna at some point today. Whoa....Someone hold me down I getting out of control!!! LOL LOL

I am very tempted to weigh today at the gym out of curiosity but I will try to resist.


I know you are all wondering what MY special treat form Christie was.... Taaa daaaa!
That is so cute!!! She sits on my computer to motivate me. I love her. I have a wonderwoman t-shirt in my closet I should model it sometime. I never wearit because I was a little too pudgy for it but Mark bought it for me at a comic book store a couple years ago. Hehe she was always my fave.I used to have the Underoos!! LOL

Christie you are such a sweetheart and you are so nice to have thought of me!! I had just finished eating a big batch of 'bitchy pops'(goes well with the Hell diet, huh?) and opening all sorts of BAD mail and getting this little treat was the best surprise!!I'm sure my family thanks you as well, it really lightened my mood! :) You ROCK, sista!!!!

This is kinda hard

Today is a little tougher. I got in a pretty good UBWO (love that creatine pump!)and I've eaten on program. I'm trying to keep myself busy too but today Mark has been stressing me out like you wouldn't BELEIVE (I want to strangle him today!!!)I'm just trying to stay positive. Definetly having some urges to binge and relieve stress but I WILL NOT because you guys would be so dissapointed in me. I did treat myself to my one and only authorized(even hell-ish diet authorized) fast food meal, my beloved Chipotle chicken salad. And I also splurged on a DC. If thats as bad as I do after a day like today I am OK. The receptionist at the gym noticed I ahd lost more weight, so that was nice. She sees me every day so I can't believe she noticed. AHHHHHH!! I just realized what my munchies might also be linked to...I forgot to take my fatburner today!!! Egads!!! That usually supresses my appetite quite a bit. I've already had my measly nibble of almonds, I am now sipping on an extra scoop of Betagen, jsut because it tastes good. OK that is desparation!!! hehehe I need to go heat up my meal, I guess, Huh??


Contents of salad:
Romaine lettuce
Grilled chicken
Black Beans
Corn
Bell pepper
Red onion
Fresh tomato salsa

Runner's HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH!!!!!!!

I have it today for the first time ever!! I ran 4, yes thats right folks, 4 fabulous miles today AND in 41 minutes!!! I had to breathe along to the songs pumping through my ears and I'm sure people heard that but I could honestly care less. They weren't the one running 4 miles, I was!!!!Hahaha I haven't done that distance in about 2 years. I can't believe I was tempted to bag the gym today....I had to be up early to paint at my MILs house(Putting together Marks office there) and on my way to take Cooper to school I just said, Hey I'm covered in paint, but I don't care I am going to do it anyway, screw the messy house and I just did it. It felt GREAT!! I went ahead and took what I refer to as pre-emptive pain relief and betagen, So I'm feeling good. Week 2 of hell-ish diet is shaping up well, I had my oats and eggs early, now its time fro protein shake and apple. I have a big package of chicken to grill, it sounds good to me so that is good. Just knowing I have so many people rooting for me and now I have Hell Diet buddies I am on top of the world!!!! You Blends are AWESOME!~!!!!

Where do I even begin???

I guess I could start with Cades Birthday, It turned out pretty good. Hi party was small but the boys had a good time. I had planned on them painting a little pumpkin to take home but they were having so much fun playing wiffle ball and football, I could barely tear them away to eat cake and pizza. (pizza was free meal 1 for me) I did his cake and turned out really cool, better than I even expected. (I know Mari will appreciate my cake!! LOL) Its a Star wars 3 scene, they are "dueling" over a river of lava.


Phase 2 of this crazy weekend:


On friday afternoon(an hour before this party) Mark calls and says- "hey how do you feel bout making a little cash tomorrow" So I'm like "Uh, what...." Well long story short I ended up selling sno-cones out at our good friends' motocross racing park. Mark handled the kids and the baseball game all day so I could go. He was trying to make it like some "task" like I was on the Apprentice or something. Haha I raced around town(while Mark tended the birthday) to rent the machine and generator, then after the party went and got syrup and made signs, got everything ready. The track is out in the BFE but I got there about 8 and set up. The previous owners(before our friends) hadn't ever had any vendors, but its in the middle of nowhere and it was pretty hot today, so it was good. Once a month they have a statewide race day and there were about 2000 people who came out to watch. The best part is (besides the 200 bucks profit I made) Fox sports news was there doing a program about the Motocross track and they did a big interview with ME!~!!He asked me a bunch of questions and we did a little thing where they had me make him a snocone on tape and they are going to put me in the show!!! Cool, HUH???I'd been out there 5 hours or so and I'm sure I was a MESS...I hate hearing myself on tape. I'm probably standing there with a big dorky uncomfortable smile on my face, and I know I tripped over my words. Oh well It will be on Nov.19 plus 2 other times in Nov. It was cool to hear the producer working out the details of the shots and talking about how he was going to edit it to sound. Yaya I'm famous!!! ROFL!!! The only other thing I want to add about it is that I have a hard-working little 7 yr old girl!!1 SHe is a little sno-cone PRO!! I went to get her something to eat for lunch at the roach coach and when i came back she had made a sno cone and put the flavoring on it and got the money from the kid. I was so proud of her!! It was nice when we got busy a couple times She cold make the cones almost as fast as I could. She totally has initiative. She notices what needs to be done and just does it without me saying anything. I love her, shes such a peach!!!

Well I am bushed, I feel TERRIBLE that I missed my long run today- that sucks so BAD and I didn't eat all day so now I am starved, AHHHH I had such good momentum. I will be back tomorrow full on!!! I just found out my sis in law lost 25 pounds this summer so now it is ON!! I am dropping this by THANKSGIVING, NO EXCUSES!!! I have half a mind to go out and run that 4 miles right this minute. But, my other half a mind is too tired, so I'll have to make it up on monday. hehehe

Mama's got a new pair of shoes!!

Here they are!! Taaaa Daaaaa! Ok, pretty lame but I got them on SALE(40 bucks) and I think I tried about every shoe they had at Sports Authority and these ain't the pertiest but they were by far the most cushiony. I really prefer white, but I am more concerned about safety and comfort. I had goten good feedback from everyone who wore Sauconys for running, and I can see why. I can't wait to put them to the test tomorrow. I am posting here and on the Tracker because I am trying to distract myself from the delicious dinner I made in the crockpot for the fam tonight. (Chicken in cream soup topped with stuffing--OOOOOOHHHHHHH it smells good) but I dutifully ate my chicken and broccoli. Plus I am cooking with the scouts tonight, hmmm, that will be something else.

Just a quickie

I only have 5 minutes of peace while the kids are bathing to update...

I've been hanging in there on the mealplan- My main dilemma is not eating enough meals. I think i am only at 3 again and its after dinner time.

1:1/2 C oats, 4 spoonfuls of LFCC

2:protein shake

3:Chicken breastw/homemade salsa, broccoli

Snack, 15 almonds

4:Tuna packet, Greens(I'm out of chicken)

Alright I've had 4 so thats good. I had to do the CC this morning before I did my UBWO, becasue I was too rushed to do eggwhites. How about that, I felt guilty about eating it-how nuts is that??? Between that and teh tuna, its a high sodium day-not good. I may have to ad 2 more meals today, since I will be up late and I know I will be starving. Last night I took some Betagen before bed and it filled me up enough to get to sleep. Yeah, I'm a litle hungry here. Its OK I will get used to it. I'm not famished, but I am a litle 'pangy' Is that a word?? LOL I'll be grocery shopping tonight and getting more chicken and broccoli. Tomorrow is a 35 minute cross training day. Today was UBWO and I did OK. I'm not trying to kill myself on weights right now, I need my strength to RUN. I will definetly be SORE tomorrow as it is. I already feel SO much leaner.

I may not be posting much the next 2 days as it is Cades b-day party on friday and I made my schedule of what needs to get done, and it is a NUTBALL!!! I have so much to do that I actually had to do an hour-by-hour schedule to keep things on track. It dosn't help that I did a perm/haircut today, and I have a color and cut tomorrow, plus scouts tomorrow night. AHHH! I can't even go there right now. ThermodynamX is my best friend right now!!!!! He's having a pumpkin-painting party and a wiffleball game with some cousins/friends. I can't believe he's 9!!!! Well I gotta jet, the time's a wastin'!!!

Alright peeps

I feel good. Day 2 feels good. Im getting that attitude toward the food like "HA! I AM better than you! YOU are not the boss of me! I can hold out waaaay longer than you" So that feels good. I actually had to physically dish out 6 plates of breaded chicken patties and instant mashed potatoes and gravy. I wanted a spoonful soooo bad!! But I resisted. Yay ME!!I do have to confess I have only had 3 meals today,though and its almost 9:30 pm. Whoopsie. I've just been busy. I will stay up late and try to get 2 more in. I have a lotta DVR to watch, anyway.

Training was interesting today. My program called for a 2.5 mile straight run. I havn't sweated like that in a long while. Its been humid here, even though I was indoors I think thats partly why. My LEGS were dripping! I am not normally like that. I must say, though I was a little sheepish as I was running about 1.75 miles into it I recall my words yesterday-It was NO piece of cake. I really had to push to finish. It wasn't pretty, but I kept my pace. I am S L O W!! I was doing a level 6.0 (10 minute mile) and I was struggling. Amazing how much I've regressed. I've officially become the biggest bawl-baby at the gym. As I finished the 2.5 miles, I decreased the speed to 3.0 and right then as I was coming down to a walk I just teared up. Why do I release adrenaline or endorphins or whatever like that? This is the 3rd time now. I guess I'm a wierdo. In a strange way I get satisfaction from it, like I KNOW I did a good job and really hit my 10. I don't know, I just feel like I'm back on top!

I did it! I did it!!

Day one-Check!!! It feels soooo good to be back! I didn't get the early workout but I did get it at about 10. On the schedule today was 50 min of Crosstraining, so I did 30 min elliptical(interval-ish), 10 minutes stairmill, and 10 minute powerwalk at a 9 degree incline. It was a sweatfest,and a perfect way to start back into a program. I felt great, but needed a power nap at about 3. It poured here this afternoon too- so add that to my list of "Amelie's": Afternoon nap in a rainstorm :) As far as eating-Right ON!Actual meals today were:

1:1/2 C oats, 4 eggwhites, Betagen
2:Protein shake,(blech),small apple
3:Chicken, Broccoli
4:Chicken, green salad,1T FF italian
15 almonds(I was starving!!),ThermodynamX
5:Tilapia(blech again-I need better seasoning), Broccoli

6 is yet to come- but I am staying up late to clean and I will be having a protein shake w/ff,sf pudding mixed in (stole that from Mary's eat to live diet- thanks, hon)


I still have to polish off the water but I'm almost done.
I feel good, took measurements (ugggg-bad)weighed(even worse) But all in all it was a great day. I think I can do this. Tomorrow is a 2.5 mile run, I will use the tready since I don't know a route that distance in my neighborhood. That will be a piece of cake. The challenge is going to be getting up early to do it, since I have a super-busy day tomorrow and won't have time in the later am.

I just want to add how happy and grateful I am to have the knowlege and tools to do this. I have a goal, and I know how to reach it. That is so much more than some people can say. Also to have such a great support system already in place(This means YOU), I can't help but succeed!!! FAB-U-LOUS!!!!!!Love you guys!! Rock ON!!


PS SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Its now or later.......I prefer now

Ahhhhhh, here I go again. I promise I am not bi-polar, but I do think I am ready to find the hot bod under the fat-suit I am currently wearing. I know, I know, just a couple days ago I was contemplating being happy, and compared to a lot of folks I am looking OK, but I am at a crossroad right now, so I have to decide. I have mentioned before(a lot) about this 10K. Its 6 weeks away. So its poo or get off the pot right now because if I don't start training now I won't be able to run it. I found a really good training schedule that also incorporates strength training and cross training(I would be doing elliptical for the cross). The schedule is definetly doable for me level-wise and I need to start TOMORROW. For the strength training I am going to do lunges but mainly focus on upper body, since my legs will be getting worked over from the running and elliptical, and I really want to lean them out, anyway.

Now the tricky part. Heres the confession. I've had about 4 free weeks in a row. Actually they were not free, they cost me some progress. Its been pretty bad, for the most part. B A D. I need to reign this in, and I think drastic is the bast way for me to go right now. Trust me, this is abour 3 weeks of contemplation talking here. I am getting serious. I'm doing a modified version of the hell diet. Well, its actually more like origional BFL-NOT EFL. Right now I am sucking at planning, so thats why I need a no-brainer menu. Heres what it looks like:

1:1/2 C oats, 4 egg whites(betagen, thermodynamX)
2:Protein shake,1 fruit(Glutamine)
3:chicken breast, broccoli
4:Chicken breast, greens
5:Fish,broccoli OR protein shake
6:Chicken,veggies,(Betagen)


I'm adding the oats and fruit, so that I will be sure to have enough energy to do the running. If I feel like I'm bonking I'll add either a yam or a wwtortilla to meal 3. I've gone back and forth on how long to do this eating plan. I've decided that I need to just dedicate the whole 6 weeks to this and make it a mini-challenge. I need to lose 20 lbs of fat and this is the quickest way to do it. I've been so off and its been so long since I've lost ANYTHING I need to see some results and get some momentum going agin. I'm so close I can TASTE it. (mabye not the best analogy..:) C2 has ended with a weak fizzle, but thats OK I have not given up on myself. Since things aren't going so great in other areas of my life mabye this will help take my focus off of the crappy stuff. I need to put myself back on PROJECT STATUS. I'm also going to take a stab at the early am workouts. EEEEEK! Its not the best time of year to be starting this early crap, now that it is cooler and the sun is coming up so much later, but the ironic thing is that in the past my most diligent workout times(in the last few years) have been early am and in the fall/winter season. 2 years ago I lost a lot of weight running in the am and doing Jenny Craig. If theres anything better than losing weight, its losing it during the holidays when everyone else is gaining! LOL I've done it before. So thats the overview of the plan. Do you guys think I can do it?? I think I can. I can do anything for 6 weeks. I haven't decided about free day yet. I am thinking mabye the Khubbard version-eat big but healthy once a week. I just think I am going to really need that. Esp. if I am lifting AND running so much. I will log in 8 miles this week. I'm telling you guys, if I am set on it I WILL do this- and pretty darn close to exact. Measurements and weigh in tomorrow am, then not again till the morning before Thanksgiving. I'm gonna need some MAJOR support. Any suggestions would be appreciated. I have butterflies, but like Tom Venuto says...If your goal dosn't scare you a little- you didn't set it high enough. Well I am a little scared.

Domestic insanity

I got a little carried away yesterday. I decided I was tired of telling myself all the things I needed to do and I just went ahead and did everything at once. It may be because I'm on sugar overload. I feel like Im on the "Elf" Diet(candy, candycanes,cany corn, and syrup)LOL actually its more like Apple Jacks, candy corn, chocolate, and diet Coke. Son of a NUTCRACKER!! LOL Not tons of any of it, but bad nonetheless. I had to take pics since I needed to remember what this looked like- it won't last too long. Plus I had to show off my handiwork :) I planted a garden, repotted plants in my hanging baskets, Mowed the front and back yard, Washed the windows and screens inside and out with a soap mixture and squeegee(I tried this for the first time- it worked awesome!),hosed off the front and back porches. Changed my bedding to something more fall-ish,(even the bedskirt!) and cleaned and vacuumed the whole house including bathrooms. WOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!!!!!! This is all a pre-cursor to Cade's birthday party next Friday- gotta get a jump start on things looking good (the cousins wives will be stoppin in) so thats what was making me think of the things I wanted done by then. Now today I can get laundry finished,decorate for Halloween and relax!! Mark is gonna be so pleased about the yard! He owes me big time!!! BTW if you can see that hill in my front yard- yeah I'm hitting my 10's pushing a mower up that stupid thing 10 times. plus I'm sore today from all the garden-shoveling.

The weather is gorgeous and I am going to day to get a new pair of runing shoes so I can really start training for my 10K. I have 6 weeks, I gotta do it. I didn't want to spend the $$ on shoes, but ya know what?? The same thing happened last year and if 60 bucks is what it takes for me to reach this dream/goal, tough toenails, I'm doing it!! I really want to do this, end of story. Now I gotta get my butt in gear and JUST DO IT!!!

Silly randomness

This may end up being really stupid but I had some random thoughts today and they might make more sense if I get them out so here goes.

It is possible that I am not progressing with BFL right now because I am somewhat content with how I am right now??? It is likely that at some point in the near future I will no longer be content and feel the need to get into smaller pants,but for now I MIGHT be happy. I really don't know. Mabye I need a little trip to the Gap dressing room to grasp some idea of how I am really looking. I percieve that my perception is a little warped right at this time. I am still happy I lost what I did, I need time to become unhappy with how I look. I still have that new-figure smell. hehehe

(inspired by supergirls post) I have always found something so interesting about kissing. I've been kissing the same man for 11.5 years straight now, and it is so wierd that soemtimes its like, hmm, yeah, fine but then other times its off the charts. WHY is that?? Does it just have to do with timing? Timing of what?? What is the common denominator of either experience?? I can't find the factor! its just hit and miss. Times when I want some fireworks, its hum ho then once in a while its an experience like Bevs that flips your world upside down, but only when you least expect it. Mabye that must be it. You just can't want it. Life is wierd sometimes.

Its just me and my boys till Sat nite. I dropped Sadie of at MIL's tonite to go on their little trip, and Marks with his scouts on a campout. I don't know if its a change in dynamic or what but they are feeling so good. They want to have a "late night" and watch a movie at home with popcorn. They are just all cheery and excited to have mommy to themselves, just the boys. I may see how tomorrow goes and set up the tent and watch a movie in the backyard. The only problem with that is how to convince them to ever take the tent down. Theyd want to move in permanently. I should do it though- The weather is perfect for sleeping out and we have really nice grass back there. OK I will do it. Hehe it will be fun.

This is my brain fruit for today. Its a little withered but it was good to harvest (for me, anyway) Alright I must really be tired.

Rollercoaster is an understatement

I am exhausted but I wanted to post and get that annoying downer post off the top of my page. Moving ON.....I havn't been on an emotional rollercoaster like this -EVER that I can remember. Literally minute by minute I change fromt he fittest woman I know to the most pathetic. Heres just one of MANY examples: I'm feeling like crap as I stuff a piece of salami in my mouth...before I finish chewing it I am giddy that my skinny jeans have a little more wiggle room than I remember. Is that insane?? Heres another:I'm pushing a double stroller loaded with kids and lots of other kid-stuff up a VERY steep hill at the zoo, I'm feelign strong, calf muscles bulging, thinking- wow I am in pretty good shape here, do a quick arm check, yup, looking good; at the botton of said hill I run into Marks cousins wives, casually cute, mostly fit, kids are gorgeous like mine, intant waves of intimidation, I am magically transformed into the frumpiest, rumpliest, most generic roob at the zoo. I'm sure they all drove their new SUV's here. OK I will get off this- no more negative stuff, right??


Today was exhausting : 6 hours at the zoo, it was gorgeous weather but between my friend Casey and I there were 10 kids. Her youngest is a newborn. Yowzas!! I think we stayed a little too long! After that, ran across town to pick up a frame pack for Mark to go camping with.. got him out the door to his campout (single mommin' it till saturday eve) Then took Cade to practice, went across town AGAIN to the only open bank (after 5) for a very important deposit, back across town AGAIN to the mall(!) with the other 4 to get Sadie some warm clothes(MIL is taking her to Utah this weekend)and then to Target for stuff to "Boo!" 2 families from church (we got Boo'd last night- basically its an anonymous Halloween treat that you pay forward to 2 other families) and then picked up Cade, got Mc D's, Wendy's, Bood the people, then came home and crashed about 9:30 pm. Keep in mind, we had 3 pit stops, a gas stop, 2 drink stops(causing the pit stops) and rush hour traffic. So these nights only happen every once in a while(thank heavens) and I actually had it planned out MUCH more smoothly than this but the bank thing really threw a wrench in the whole night. The kids had a great time, Cade had a great practice, Sadie got new clothes(HEAVEN) the little guys were kept under thumb with promises and threats of fast food (a real treat for them)So it turned out OK. I'm not even going to watch any of the TV I DVR'ed and I guess the dishes aren't going anywhere. I'm officially crashing!!

Sorry I had to spill my day here- Mark's out of town now so I gotta unload on SOMEONE!!! Lucky you! I'm the wicked witch of the west... I'm m e l t i n g ahhhhhhh........*puddle of goo*

I starved all day...

Today I didn't eat. We didn't really have anything in the house, so what we did have I had the kids eat. By the end of the day I was thinking, hmm, this feels good, mabye I will just stop altogether. It felt good to just take a break from thinking about it. Is that bad? I just embraced that gnawing feeling. I hope I'm not treading into dangerous teritory. I can't fool myself, that method will never work for me. Its tempting to try it thouugh. It was nice tonight while I was lifting up my shirt looking at my midsection and abs(again ;)lol) it was nice to see s little tightness. I've been off my diet so long that I havn't felt that in a while. I want to the grocery store tonight and got all my food, but I had to force myself to eat a ff yogurt and a scant 1/2 C. of Cottage cheese. I was glad I did, though. I put the cottage cheese in Sadies Disney princess bowl, I think that helped :D Sometimes all it takes is just one perfectly authorized meal to make you feel like you can do it. Its really late, its almose midnight but I finished off the day right, and that feels good. I think I may be able to hit the gym tomorrow. I'm not too far gone, I'm just going to keep going.

I am still here

Lets just say its been a little rough this week. I've been in a decent mood but things are a little scary here. I have been coping with some financial problems for a couple years now, and since we everyone around here has been such a great support I think i finally feel comfortable sharing that Mark and I had to take a road trip this week to St. George UT to attend bankruptcy court. It was disheartening and we were so dissapointed in ourselves. I don't know why, it wasn't really our direct fault, we just had a business in 2003 that failed (a paintball retail store) and this is just the repercussion. We had filed a chapter 13 back then and were trying to pay back the debt but the huge payment had been just too much to keep up with (900 a month!!) We had to go back to court to convert into a chap 7. I read in a finance book that bankruptcy is the equivalent of death of a loved one, and divorce as far as life-trauma, I think I have to agree. Its pretty bad. I just feel like such a big LOSER. It would help if our finances now werent so slim, I guess but we are still battling it out every day. Mark and I have really pulled together, though and we are just trying to look ahead and get things on track. We used a good part of the 7 hour drive home to Make new goals and plans to execute them. I hope we bounce back from this. On the way there I told Mark I'd rather have 6 root canals and a colonic than do this. I meant it,too. It was a little bit fun to get away together, my sister came and babysat the kids overnight for us and we had a great buffet in Vegas. Our hotel was really nice too.

So now I am in recovery mode. i have dressed in my 'binge-wear' come on, you all have it. If you see me in stretchy velour pants and one of Marks big t-shirts, you know its out the window. I want a super nachos from Filibertos so bad I could cry. Its sunday, though and we don't shop on the Sabbath so I guess I'm out of luck. Cake, too. I really want some good cake. Hopefully by tomorrow this will pass.

I really do plan on getting my challenge back on track. I'm so close to my goals. I can do it. I just need to decompress from this. I took a 3 hour nap and that feels good to be rested. If I can get my house cleaned up tonight I will have the week by the tail.

I jsut want to say that I love our little blogging comunity. I appreciate everyone who reads my blog, It is so theraputic to get it all out and thank you all for being so understanding. I love reading everyones blog it really helps me. I'm am giong along with Chritie and I am banning all negative self-talk about myself. YEAH! We can rely on each others strength and we can ALL reach our goals.

I should charge admission to my living room

School is out and it is day 2. Day one was OK I took the kids to a movie at the dollar theater and that was fun, everyone was very well behaved, so that was nice. I am babysitting my nephew, My SIL and BIL (Marks sis) Are both going to school/working full time, and they don't have the same school schedule as he does. So every time my kids have time off school I have him full time. I am really trying to have a good attitude about this, but it is hard. Robert(nephew) is 12 but has some developmental and socializing problems.. in a nut shell, he's just really "different", some of that is just how he was born, some is a result of somewhat socially challenged parents. Lets put it this way, my kids are his ONLY friends. And not because he's not a nice kid, but the closest diagnosis they have come up with is Asbergers syndrome, a mild form of autism. And he's quite OCD. He love to ask me a zillion questions (some days I wish my name wasn't 'Aunt Janel")and loves to TATTLE which, lets be honest, theres plenty to tattle about around here so that gets pretty tiring. I did feel pretty bad today though, Cade was bugging him so Robert did something back(not sure what) but it put Cade on the ground wailing(probably WAY overreacting) and I just kind of wanted to see how they would handle it, so I left the room and told Mark what was going on. A minute or 2 later we check and Cade's got him in a REAR NAKED CHOKE hold, trying to pinch the life out of him! Poor Robert didn't know what hit him! Even though Robert is a little bigger, he has BAD reflexes and forget about using any in defense of himself. I felt really bad, I didn't think Cade would lose it on him like that. So my kids a big brat. He tends to get a little dramatic. In 20 minutes they had it pretty much patched up and were back to playing. Yeah, we are off of school for 2 weeks and 2 days. AARRRRRHG!!!

The Lamb Family 

Cornucopia

I know A LOT of people HATE Martha Stewart, I don't happen to be one of them. I understand why someone would dislike her, shes smug and power-hungry etc etc, I'm sure she deserved to go to jail. But I do love the style her company puts out. And I am planning Thanksgiving in my mind already. And I want it to be just like how hers would be. (yeah right) My mom used to do it before she moved and sold the big house. I am hosting for about 25 this year, I am so excited. I'm thinking of making a cool runner out of felt. To be fair to myself, the reason it has been on my mind is that I am trying to end a challenge at Thanksgiving, and I am running a 10k on the morning of it, so a little advance planning is in order. Plus, all the fall stuff in the stores is makng me get excited. Mabye I'm just happy that the hot weather is going bye bye soon. My windows and doors are open this morning and it is GORGEOUS!! I actually turned off the ac last night and it was fine. YA! I will have to turn it back on this afternoon I'm sure but if I can do only 12 hours of ac this will cut down my bill.

Mark is still talking about moving to Texas. One thing about him, he will do what he wants. he'll find a way. who knows when, but he wants to go badly. I'm like, Uh, lets just worry about getting this months rent paid first, shall we? I'm trying not to be a buzzkill, I would love to go too. Ya never know. It could be years. It could be months, It could be weeks,(well, not really)but thats how we operate.

My head cold is annoying. I can't smell the fall air very well(I know its there, I caught a whiff) and it is destroying my desire to run. I made homemade chicken noodle soup and rolls last night, it was so yummy!! Nobody was going to bring me any so I made it myself. Pretty much BFL approved, I just had a little too much of it. one word: LEFTOVERS!

I took Betagen before I lifted yesterday( I helped a friend thru my UBWO, it was fun) I could not believe how pumped my ams were. My muscles were bulging! The skin was all stretched tight. It was so amazing! I was taking it post-workout and I noticed a little after a couple days, but this was crazy! I will definetly be taking it pre-workout! I think I need to get a whole bunch of tupperware and make all my meals one day and keep them in the fridge. My eating is still not right. I am soooo close to my goal, I just have to get over this last hump. I told Mark, I think I am a little scared or something, I have never been better than what I'm at right now. (I've been skinnier once, but skinny-fat) Its not just a physical threshold, its mental. What will I really look like? Will I be happy at some point? Will my skin be gross and saggy? This is uncharted territory. I need to get over myself and just DO IT!