We had a great surprise the other day, My BIL/SIL and their 4 kids came from Utah for the whole weekend and surprised my MIL. It was so great~! They have kids my kids ages and they are close buddies so it is cousin-mania at our house for the weekend. And they have a 16 month old I have hardly seen who is the cutest little butterball, and a total sports nut(at 16 mos!!!) My litle bit of sadness (and this is just my own stupididty) is that I am soooo jealous of my Sil, she shows up with her VERY cute size 5 body, and I just hate myself because I could be that small right now but I am NOT bacause I have been stuffing my face and not exercising. In fact I am bigger than I have been since july, and it physically hurts my brain to thnk about that. Why have I done this to myself?? I read skwiggs artice on self sabotage, I think my issue is denial and laziness. Its not that I don't deserve it, or I don't want attention (LOL) its just pure lack of planning, and rationalizing that I am "a lot smaller and more fit than a lot of women my age/moms/lots o kids/"etc. Yes, I am not hideous (in clothes, to other people) but I am not happy with how I feel like I look. Or how I feel. Add to this, the TOM, so add ten pounds to my mental visual of myself, and I am so dissapointed in me. I literally changed outfits 3 times yesterday, trying to feel like I lookd thinner. How stupid is that? Why do we do that? I'm not just saying this, but if I had know those guys were coming all this time, like that last 6 weeks,I would have tried a LOT harder and not let myself gain this much weight. Its so shallow, but I really try to put my best foot forward when I see my BIL/SIL. Its not really a competition, we are truly good friends (yesterday she told the nail lady she'd take me as a sis over her her real sis, LOL) We are close and have struggled with our weight together over the years(trading the "big jeans" back and forth after pregnancies, etc) and she told me last night she wants to do the BFL program with me this go round. I hope she really does it. My BIL is very vain and expects a lot out of her (unreasonably, sometimes).
So, in a nutshell: Jenn, skinny--me, jealous. Its OK, when I see them again this summer I will be way hotter and in better shape than I have ever been in. It just adds fuel to my fire for the challenge. I will be using this feeling to get me thru these HIITs I have coming upon me next week. (arrrgh)
So today I am doing hair(and getting mine done-YAY!)
Tonight its a BIG party in Casa Grande till after midnight with all night homemade pizza
Tomorrow is doing more hair and homemade belgian waffles
Tomorrow night, pictures, stats, goals, and some tears(over the pics, of course)
Monday- the first day of a new ME!!
Have a happy new year, blends, I love you guys and heres to the BUTTER challenge!!
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5 years ago
6 comments:
Janel -- when I saw my SIL this summer, when I wasn't perfect with BFL but was at my peak of progress, she was so impressed. I made her run with me on a track, and I kicked her tiny little butt.
Then, I saw her again this November, and though I'm not where I started, I'm not where I peaked, either. She said to her fiance, "You should have seen her this summer, she was SO BUFF!" It didn't hurt my feelings, because I know she didn't mean it to.
That aside, I realized this week (after making through another bout of "Women's Monthly" issues) that I'm feeling -- overall -- much more sane lately because I'm not stressing over seeing my family in the upcoming future. I had to pretty much turn my brain OFF (or try to) the whole time I was home, because if it were on, it would be telling me all about how everyone was disappointed that I hadn't turned into the super-skinny buff superwoman that I have the potential to be.
I know, because I've met you, that you SIL loves you for who you are, not the size of your jeans. Same with your family and friends.
But I realize what it means when you aren't comfortable with yourself -- that it can screw up and block every other good vibe from anyone else.
We can do it! YOU can do it! Relax and enjoy your family's company (and ask your SIL whether she wants to do my hair when she gets home ;-)).
((HUGS -- for everybody in your house!))
ps -- thanks so much for the CD.
xoxo,
K
Janel~ You will be BUTTER, baby! Good talking to you this morning!!!! Happy New Year!!
Stef :-)
I think alot of us are going through that. Not feeling or looking as good as we did or could. Only one way to fix it and I'm starting tomorrow. Good luck, you can do it.
Lori
You can do it!! You did it before :D
Happy New year!!
I can SO relate to the SIL issue!! I'm all about using that to fuel the fire this challenge! You WILL kick some butt Janel! :)
We are Gonna Kick butt again Girl!!! I know it!
Happy new Year !
Hugs Lala*
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