Life after 2005

I've been doing chores all morning and just going over and over in my head all the things I want to change for next year. I'm not making any "resolutions", but there are some things I want specifically that are going to require change on my part, some that will be out of my control, right now, hopefully not for long, but I have gone through some realistic scenarios in my head of what I want, what a typical day or week would ideally look like for me. It goes way beyond fitness, but a lot of it will be carved around fitness because 1: when I am happy with my body image I seem to be happier in general (duh) and 2: it involves scheduling and making it all work and being realistic.

So far I have been doing workouts in the mid-morning which is fine, but I feel like I am wasting too much of my very important morning time when the kids are gone that I could be doing other things so I am really getting determined to get to the gym at 5:30am every day, as gift of time to myself. Yes, this will be hard to do in the dark cold winter but I must do it. Millions of people wake up early and they are fine so I have no excuses whatsoever. I can do it. I can do it!!! I have 2 big obsacles that hold me back from getting up at 5 am. First of course is that I an tired. So, 9pm bedtime wil have to be enforced at least at first til I can establish a pattern. Mark is going to HATE this. Oh well, cry baby cry, because he'll be loving the new bod so I think he'll get over it.

I'm working out all the details in my little brain and I will post them here soon, the details of what I want my day/life to look like and hopefully that will help it feel more real.

Part of what is spurring this into action is tht I put on my running pants today for the first time in a week and a half and about started crying. What happened to me??? Oh I am so disgusted!! Unbelievable!! I feel like a blob and I am on my way out the door to go for a little run on the treadmill. I have one word for that....YIKES!! The last couple times I ran it was so horrible. Not my time, or how I felt, but it was my big BUTT!! I feel like I've got thunder crashing behind me!! It almost hurts, and I'm sure it looks atrocious!!!! It hasn't been like that since I first started back in April!!! Luckily we have a set of tready's at the gym that are up on a platform with just a walkway behind them, so nobody would be behind me unless they were walking to/from their own machine.

Anyway its all swirling together in my mind about what the new me is going to be like, details soon.

Edit @5pm:

Went to the gym, decided I'd just hop on the scale for funsies....THe number popped up and I let out an audible GASP!! I felt awful for my run, even worse on the stairmill, but I managed to get 30 minutes fo cardio in. It was pure torture. I stopped by the grocery store and got a few items for my meals this week. I just have to get back on now, I can't wait anymore.

NEW GOAL as of this afternoon:Get back to 138 by Jan 1. That is where I finished C1. Get to the gym 6 days a week until Jan 1. Foodwise, I will eat all authorized, and if I can't do authorized, it will be a VERY small portion, just so Im not starving, until I CAN get something clean to eat. I'm cooking the turkey my mom brought over so I will have PLENTY of good protein. Thats it, and thats that.