I am still here

Lets just say its been a little rough this week. I've been in a decent mood but things are a little scary here. I have been coping with some financial problems for a couple years now, and since we everyone around here has been such a great support I think i finally feel comfortable sharing that Mark and I had to take a road trip this week to St. George UT to attend bankruptcy court. It was disheartening and we were so dissapointed in ourselves. I don't know why, it wasn't really our direct fault, we just had a business in 2003 that failed (a paintball retail store) and this is just the repercussion. We had filed a chapter 13 back then and were trying to pay back the debt but the huge payment had been just too much to keep up with (900 a month!!) We had to go back to court to convert into a chap 7. I read in a finance book that bankruptcy is the equivalent of death of a loved one, and divorce as far as life-trauma, I think I have to agree. Its pretty bad. I just feel like such a big LOSER. It would help if our finances now werent so slim, I guess but we are still battling it out every day. Mark and I have really pulled together, though and we are just trying to look ahead and get things on track. We used a good part of the 7 hour drive home to Make new goals and plans to execute them. I hope we bounce back from this. On the way there I told Mark I'd rather have 6 root canals and a colonic than do this. I meant it,too. It was a little bit fun to get away together, my sister came and babysat the kids overnight for us and we had a great buffet in Vegas. Our hotel was really nice too.

So now I am in recovery mode. i have dressed in my 'binge-wear' come on, you all have it. If you see me in stretchy velour pants and one of Marks big t-shirts, you know its out the window. I want a super nachos from Filibertos so bad I could cry. Its sunday, though and we don't shop on the Sabbath so I guess I'm out of luck. Cake, too. I really want some good cake. Hopefully by tomorrow this will pass.

I really do plan on getting my challenge back on track. I'm so close to my goals. I can do it. I just need to decompress from this. I took a 3 hour nap and that feels good to be rested. If I can get my house cleaned up tonight I will have the week by the tail.

I jsut want to say that I love our little blogging comunity. I appreciate everyone who reads my blog, It is so theraputic to get it all out and thank you all for being so understanding. I love reading everyones blog it really helps me. I'm am giong along with Chritie and I am banning all negative self-talk about myself. YEAH! We can rely on each others strength and we can ALL reach our goals.