RANT

So I'm siting here, all stinky from the gym, wasting time on the 'puter. Wyatt walks in and notices my 3 inch roll of flab hanging over my workout pants(complete with stretch marks....hey, I was slouching, OK???) And says "mommy, you look fat there" and proceeds to pat the funny, squishy blob. So he pulls the waist of my pants up over the flab and pats it gently and says"there, that better".

I need a rant here for a sec. I have done worse this week than all the other weeks of this challenge. I don't know if giant scale losses freaked me out or what, but I don't really care why, fact is I really blew it this last week. I cant get that time back, so I must move on. OK fine. I have all the time I need to get this "body" that I want. I've done a good challenge. A couple things have bothered me, and mabye if I post it and get it out of my head I can let it go.

#1: This stupid trainer at my gym, we'll call him Rudy. When I first saw him I was like "ooh, heee-lo, HOTTIE" SO I have my first consultation with him (the usual gym fitness "evaluation" where they sell you the training). This was a year ago, before I started my first challenge. I was tipping the scale at almost 160. 38% BF. I've worked out lots in the past, lifting and all, I was ready to get serious. I was tosing around BFL, I knew what it entailed, I was getting pumped to do something serious. So Rudy gives me some lame line like "could I commit you to working out 3 days per week??" Suggests cutting out soda and doing lots of walking. I'm sure he just assumed I'm the typical SAHM who needed to just start, thats fine. But it put me defensive, like "I'll show you what I think of your 3 stupid days a week of WALKING" The next week I tell him, I'm gonna give the BFL thingy a go, and go from there. I get the usual "Oh, OK, suuuuure" kind of response along with " I think a program like that may cause you to put on muscle too fast" WTH??? whatever. SO this trainer has seen my 1st challenge results, acted pretty unimpressed. Thats fine. He's seen me at the gym EVERY DAY and says nothing. I'm like half my size. I've asked him 2 questions over the years time. One was the weight of particular bar that was unmarked. 15 pounds, ok. I asked him how accurate the calorie counter was on the treadmill. He said "I dont know, I don't do cardio" and rushed off. All of this was fine. I'm not a paying training customer. But its annoying. The final straw 3 weeks ago was when he said he could hear my earphones from his desk. (some songs are louder than others on my player, I was in the middle of a set of crunches and didn't bother to turn it down) So we have a small exchange in which he says "just make sure you arent' getting too obsessed with the fitness thing." That really kinda made me mad. I just couldn't believe it. This guy is in good shape, but he's like 25. His GF is this teeny tiny fine-boned thing, about 105 and gorgeous. I wish I would have said, "well, some of us have to work really hard at getting in shape, it dosn't happen for everybody to work out 3 days a week" It just really pissed me off. I mean, really. So now every time I see this guy(every day)I get ticked off. It makes me want to work even harder in some respects, but then I'm like, who cares, he's jerk who thinks he's the big burrito, so what. Also, he was giving me so much crap abour getting my bodyfat tested (too often, in his opinion, which BTW its a gym upgrade I paid for) I got my own Omron, so I wouldn't have to deal with him on that. I would think that any gym employee whould want to encourage EVERY one to be fit and this guy is actually DIScouraging to me. Its all in my head, I'm sure. I'm sorry, but I've made huge progress in a year, so that is going to have to be my satisfaction. I DID show him. He just dosn't know I did. PUNK. I really don't need validation from anyone, but come on, don't discourage me. please.

#2: I have had a few separate conversations about fitness and losing weight with my mom, sisters, friends, ladies from church. It never fails, they ask what size I am trying to get to or how much I want to lose and when I say 10 more pounds or especially if I say "size 4/6" I get the same response, which is always "can you even get that small??" Like I have these gigantic birthing hips and this super-sized butt that coudn't even hope to shrink that much. So I ALWAYS have to say "yes, I have been that small before, and it WAS after I had a baby, it can be done" I'm sure these people arent trying to be rude, and if had happened one, twice, ok. But EVERY time??? Man, that is so discouraging. How huge is my butt?? Do I not realize how big I actually am??? I always have to point out that I am 5'4, and my frame is on the small size of medium. I am actually a little person, I just carry a lot of fat in my butt and upper thighs. Ok, I really am crying now. I know all of you blends understand where I am coming from. I wish I could surround myself with people like you, but I can't. People just don't realize what it takes. I'm gonna do it. I'm going to prove every one of these people wrong. yes, its VERY hard to watch other women/moms who are in truly good shape and they CAN do the 3 days a week and eat "pretty good" thing and look fabulous. I am not one of them. I've just got to find a way to pull myself together for the rest of today and tomorow, then I can make some new plans, and new goals. I hope I have some improvement in my pictures, but if I don't its OK, I'm only racing against myself, and so far I am winning that one.

If you are still reading.......sorry! LOL I mostly posted all of this disaster so I could just get it out and start fresh. I've released all of the toxic thoughts and now its time to move on to better things. Moving along...........