I'm gonna lay out what I have going, to get some perspective.
1) Marks police academy
This is a LOT of work for me. Its a LOT of work for him. Nothing can be skimped on here, this is truly critical that his boots be shined, reports be written/rewritten, clothes cleaned and ironed daily, and reading be done. He has to be up by 4:15 am, so any help he can get to get to bed at a decent hour is much appreciated. I mainly read off the rewrites to him (cuts the time in half) and wash and iron the clothes.
2) Kids homework
HOLY CRAP this sucks. Yesterday I was entertaining Marks dad from out of town(Mark was frantically writing reports) and the kids would NOT get the homework done, of which they had double PLUS extra classwork they missed monday (I let them stay home to play with out of town cousins) Cade literally sat at the kitchen table, no TV, nothing, and got nothing done. NOTHING. So today we have triple. We are talking HOURS here people. Tonight I am sittng there with them all 4, and we will get it done, I'm probably looking at 5 hours of it tonight. Lord help us.
3) Hair clients
Academy base pay is not gonna cut it. I have to do more hair clients. Fine, but one more thing to take up my time, and I have a lot of new people, so that is a little stressfull. I HAVE to do it, no question. I MUST take everyone that calls.
4) Church
Our family (read:ME) is in charge of something we call "sharing time" this coming sunday, which is basically 20 minutes of entertaining instruction for about 60 kids ages 3-11. YIKES!!!!! I committed 2 months ago, I've had plenty of time, no backing out now. Maddi would kill me.
5) Parents
My parents are putting pressure on me, mom wants me to pay back student loans that I can't afford to right now, she understands but the guilt....the GUILT!!!!! I had to make a distressing phone call yeasterday, but 45 minutes on hold (thats no joke) is just too much for one woman to take sometimes.
6) I have been a terrible friend, so many people I need to be following up with that I'm not, I hope people understand that I am just really truly busy right now. Dana, I've wanted to call you for 5 days now, Sarah, Deita, Mary, the list goes on. Luckily Casey and Dana call me or else I'd have no friends.
NOW HERE IS THE GOOD::::::
I've made it to the gym 3 days this week. I spent a great weekend with Marks family. Today I am gonna chill while the kids are at school and have lunch with my SIL who I love. My bad hours will just be 3 till 8:30. I am dedicating those hours to the kids and getting their work done. After that I am heading over to my friend Casey's to watch the So You Think You Can Dance finale (which I am going to the concert on my B-day!!!!!!! WOOOO HOOOOOOO!!) So for those hours I will be in homework hell but I am trying to just breathe, breathe, I can't change any of this, I must just breathe. Any words of wisdom or encouragement would be greatly appreciated!!!!
Closing thought: I'm doing all this for these guys, I just want to do the best by and for them. They all deserve it!!!!!
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12 comments:
Look at you spin in all directions...I'm right there with ya honey (minus 2 kids)!!! hee hee
It's all good. You are doing marvelously. Don't ever doubt yourself and most importantly...family and you come first. I read once that the character of a person is what emerges from all the little things they were TOO BUSY to do yesterday, but did anyway. That sounds like you to a "T". Just remember you can say "NO" without feeling guilty! :) You have TRUE character that I admire!
I'd think you were crazy if you didn't need some encouragement- you are spinning, spinning, spinning.
My LB's just finishing the police academy, so I totally understand the time and financial commitment you both have to make. Oh, the report writing!! The laundry! The CONSTANT gun cleaning. And he must be well-fed for all the workouts.
Umm, that didn't help, did it? I'd love to be one of your hair clients :)
The only helpful thing I can say is you have to eat, so you might as well eat in the way that serves you best. You know too much now to really go back to anything else- in the end, you know you'll end up more overwhelmed if you DON'T do what you need to do.
Well, first of all I have to say HOLY COW!!! Thats a lot for 2 people to handle (maybe even 3) let alone one!!! You are a great mom, wife, friend....
Remember how far you have come already. I'm so like you over the past 3 weeks as far as eating is concerned. Workout had been great, but eating....pfffft! I had to really just reach deep inside myself and tell myself....that I really want this! I REALLY REALLY want this!!! Plus a lot of friends telling me that I must NOT really want this as badly as I say I do, or else I wouldn't be screwing it up! Well, hell! That pissed me off more and MADE me really look at what I was doing. A little bit here, a little bite there.
SO, I pose it to you Jams....how bad do you want this? Even with everything you are doing, how much more difficult would it be for you to really eat right? DONT GIVE IN TO THOSE STUPID STUPID cravings!!! You have worked so hard to get where you are, you can't just give up! Reach deep inside...look hard....do you want it? Do you really want it and if you do, how bad?
I know the answer, but you have to BELIEVE the answer also!
Remember, NEVER GIVE UP!!!!
What a beautiful family you have janel. I know they are all worth everydrop of effort you put into them. WOW, I just realized it is just you and your daughter and man a lot of boys in that house of yours.
One day at a time, one task at a time. I am rather busy at the moment myself. My big goal is too not spend too much time stressing about future events or the next task to be worked on. By that I mean, I want to try and focus on the task at the moment. For me I spend a lot of time Stressing. I know I can get my accomplished when I am not in such a stressed state of mind.
thinking of you.
wow...you DO have alot on your plate right now. I'm sorry it all falls at the same time for you...wish I could blink myself there to help you out!!
take a deep breath...assign one task at a time...this too shall pass. remember to take some quiet time for yourself to pray and gain strength...God will get you thru it all!!
the one thing WE can help you with is your bfl motivation. I'm with bubblz on the "you have to want it" thing...but if you ever need ideas on foods that help with cravings, stuff like that...just let us know!! we want you to succeed!!! so lean on us!!! :)
love ya sista! ;)
I absolutely 100% relate to the academy stuff. It doesn't end when you leave that building. Shining boots, washing, ironing clothes...OMG!!! I hated it. I'm not good at ironing either.
Just remember you have a good husband there to help you too. You two can make it happen together. Even though I only have two kids and when I went to the academy it was stressful. Come home do dinner, homework, cleaning, ironing, shining, studying...overwhelming. I hated it. Be glad you two have each other. :)
You can do this even if it means not every single day you will finish everything on your list. Don't be hard on yourself.
Lori
Hi Janel,
Just wanted to give you a little peace of mind when it comes to feeling like you are not being a good friend. The last two years have been really crazy for me and my family. In short we owned our own business and then closed it. It was overwhelming, depressing, etc. And then all the extra hours I had (still have to) work to get us out of a very large hole left me spinning much like you are. As a result I didn't talk to some of my dearest freinds for TWO YEARS. I was sure they hated me. I felt like a failure. But we just went to CA (where said friends live) called them, hung out with them, laughed, cried, hugged... And guess what- they understood and there were no hard feelings. That is the sign of a true friend. From reading your blog, and seeing the caliber of people you attract in your life- I think you're safe. Feel good about taking care of yourself and your gorgeous family right now.
But when you do get some time- whenever that is- it would be great to meet up with you- have a BFL friend in AZ. And I haven't found a hair dresser I like in AZ yet. I even resorted to cutting my own hair. So if you need the cash, I need a hair dresser!
Anyway, don't worry about the friends part. That really weighed heavy on my mind, and turns out it didn't have to.
Kristin
Hang in there girl. I'm with ya, too! Eating healthy while you are going through all of this will only keep your strength and vitality up. If you start to eat like crap, you'll start to feel like crap and won't be able to keep up. Take whatever time you can for yourself, whether it be 5,10,20 minutes to just breathe and remind yourself that you are a great Mom, wife and friend. Those friends that are true will be there when it all calms down. Don't worry.
I spin around in many directions too, but you've got one more kid (and that makes a huge difference...I don't care what anyone says) and you're trying to run a business amongst everything else.
Deep breaths...rest as much as you can (I know, funny).
On the homework issue...lots of people struggle with that. Is there some sort of incentive you can offer for getting it done? Not necessarily something you buy them, but maybe something they get to do (like play video games, time on the computer, etc.) Every kid has a price, you just have to figure out what it is!
So much going on there Girl...HOLY! Again I wish I were closer & could give you an hand! IN the mean times.. LOTS of good suggetions..
& call ( yea I know WHEN? but do if you want... you can always put me on speakerphone & yack while you're ironing at night...At least I'LL be up! ~lol~
I had this nice long post, but blogger ate it. grr. Anyway, with life being hectic and all, use BFL and God to ground you. You can't always control your circumstances, but you can control your eating and workouts. Let that give you a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day.
hugs
Hi Janel-
Glad to hear you had a better day today...but know that it is okay to not "do it all"-- I know it is hard to say no at times, but sometimes we need to in order to keep sane.
Love your determination and GREAT blog~
BuffMother!
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