We have had issues on and off about the kids fessing up about things, for example when I ask "Who left this cup here??" I get 5 blank stares. So, obviously, it was one of them, and it seems like such a small thing, but really, shouldn't I be holding them accountable for their actions, no matter how big or small? Honestly, I usually don't even go there, I just assign one person to get the trash picked up, one to pick the stray cups, one to do toys, etc etc. But at some point, they have to be accountable, right? It's more a matter of principle sometimes. Which brings me to tonight.
I have them all upstairs after dinner picking up their rooms, etc before bed, and I notice (sorry, TMI) but there is toilet paper in the TRASH next to the toilet that someone wiped with and just threw in there. This has been a problem in the past, and I used to know who the culprit was, but I in this case am a little unsure, so I ask the 3 younger boys. "Who wiped their poop and put it in the trash can??" Again, the blank stares. Obviously it is one of them, right? So I say "You aren't going to get in trouble, I just want to know", still the "no, not me, nope, it wasn't me". SO now it turns into a matter of principle. I'm thinking today its crap in the trash can, tomorrow its about who put a dent in the car.... just kidding (I hope :D) But seriously, we need to start being accountable around here, right?? Well, NObody is admitting it. And I had made cupcakes tonight after dinner so I say "OK, fine. We will stand here in this hallway, and we won't be having a cupcake, and you will STILL have to clean until someone tells me the truth. So then Wyatt starts tearing up and says "OK, well I didn't do it but I will say its me anyway" which of course my heart was just breaking for the little guy by this point, taking the bullet for everyone. And Cooper chimes in, saying he'll admit it too even though it wasn't him (and Dayton is crying but hiding from me a little and not looking at me) So this makes me think its him. I reiterated several times, I am not going to punish you, but I need someone to tell me who did it. But I need the REAL person to say they did it. So I left them in the hallway to discuss amongst themselves and I sure wish I had a recorder going. Their discussion was pretty funny. After about 5 minutes I realize that either it wasn't any of them (hard to believe) or nobody was going to cave, I tell them to get downstairs. So we have a big discussion about why poop is bad to have sitting in the trash, along with the big globs of toothpaste, the lack of flushing, etc) and why not telling on yourself and admitting things is lying, blah blah blah blah. I ask Dayton one more time, and the waterworks start again, and more adamant denial, so finally I just sent them all to bed, cupcake-less. I start doubting, because I usually can flush out the perpetrator (no pun intended) within 30 seconds or so,(they are terrible liars) and I really hit a wall with this one. Then part of me wanted to give Wyatt and Cooper a cupcake anyway for being willing to make the sacrifice, but I thought that wouldn't send a good message. So nobody got one.
So here were the choices I had:
Start spanking them really hard with a paddle one by one until somebody admits it (this was the option used on me as a child.....yikes)
Just believe that it wasn't any of them (who it would be I'm not too sure)
Do what I did, which was not believe them, and try to make them understand that it was more about the principle than the actual crime and punish accordingly by witholding the treat and sending them to bed early.
So Wyatt brings up a point as I'm tucking him in, that mabye it could have been their cousin Ava. This makes me laugh, because obviously, she hasn't been over to the house for at least a week, and they try to use her as their scapegoat every chance they get. I can barely get her to stop playing long enough to eat, I seriously doubt she's spending time in the biohazard that is the upstairs bathroom. But then there is this.....
"My cousin Ava was over. She clogged the toilet. and she blamed it on me. My mom believed her. and I got in trouble."Wyatt actually turned this in as an assignment at school. I bet his teacher got a kick out of it. I thought it was pretty funny. And then I felt bad that I didn't believe him. I do realize, that I am grateful that I am dealing with these situations, and not things that are really pivotal, like dating, friends, teenage parties, driving, etc etc and I'll be wishing for the days of poopy TP in the trash can and such. SO am I a total maniac control freak or did they get off too easy?? I may never know for sure I guess.
7 comments:
Boy...no idea, but what a great homework assignment! :)
OH man. . . I hate this kind of stuff. BLECH!! I don't know what to do. I honestly don't. My parents did the whole "sit in this room" blah blah and it was ALWAYS my brother and he never fessed up and I resent him to this day. So good luck, and once you've got it figured out, send it my way!
This is a tough one. I can relate to the biohazard bathroom that boys create. It is funny how my boys are the only 2 people who use their bathroom, yet niether of them are ever the one who made the mess.
I think you handled it good. It is hard to know what the best way is to deal with lying, especially when they are under age 8.
Oh and Happy belated birthday and anniversary.
I think if your gut was telling you it was Dayton then it probably was. I would not appreciate poopy TP in the trash either. I think you handled it good. And I love that Wyatt's homework made it onto the blog...priceless!
On one hand, you have to respect that they aren't tattling on each other. On the other hand, omission is a form of lying. Is the trash can really close to the toilet where one of them may have flipped it in while wiping? BTW, has one of them clogged the toilet recently?
I feel your pain! Blank stares are a regular at our house right along with "I don't know", and "Not me". It makes me soooo mad, especially when you have a 15, and 13 year old denying the little mishaps. When you know for a fact they are the ones eating all the stupid fruit snacks!
Ah, ha. That is classic! "Chrubul" is too cute. I love that.
That is such a funny story. Oo, and so frustrating when they won't take responsibility!
I'm with ya as far as making them responsible. Especially when they have nothing to fear, it cracks me up that kids still won't fess up. Its such a mystery!
And I watched almost the whole video (I got interrupted), but it was fun to see you go from no kids to 5. What an awesome couple and amazing family you guys are.
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